i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
