We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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