4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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