We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
