everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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