Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
