dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
