Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
