she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
