I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
