11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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