If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
