your parents love me but you hate me
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
