So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
