Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
