youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
