He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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