but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
