You know, be my cock's hype man.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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