soooo we both peed the bed last night...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
