Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize