I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
