he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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