how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
