I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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