i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
