Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
