people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
