Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
no you cant smoke seaweed
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
