I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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