Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
