Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
