he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
