I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
