Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
