I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
you never un-have a 4some
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
