Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
