Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
