ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
