we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
