if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Kiss
Puke
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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