Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
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