The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
