im holly from the hills drunk
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
