I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Randomize
