If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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