My liver just broke up with me...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
