I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
4 words: hood of his car
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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