My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
