My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
