i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
