my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
