i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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