Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
