i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Randomize
