I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
