Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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