Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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