I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
