i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
