I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
