I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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