i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can't put those talents on a resume
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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