If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
