uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
