I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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