I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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