Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
