We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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