today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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