I can text with my tongue
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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